"Where's my prince." I asked. "Where's my dashing prince that can sweep me off my feet?"
Nobody answered, of course.
It was, as you know it, new year's eve last night. I went out with one of my best girl friends. We dressed up, wore make up (there was a pair of fake eyelashes involved) and of course almost practically drenched ourselves with perfume. We went to a la carte dinner at one of the hip cafés near my house, we had ordered a table for two there. Conveniently and ironically, each women that were to spend their new year's eve there got free silver plastic tiaras, while the men got cute paper-based colourful hats. Coincidentally, neither my best friend nor I had any date last night, making us very, somewhat literally, princesses that were waiting for our "prince charming"s. We talked, did our make up (reapplied lipstick for thousandth times, curled our lashes for hundredth times and relined our eyeliners for umpteenth times), danced a bit (to the music arranged by surprisingly good DJ) and enjoyed the few hours before the end of 2011. It was fun actually. I've spent three new year's eves with her already, I suppose there will be more to come. At roughly 1 a.m. we went back to my flat and talked some more. Even though I ate quite a lot last night, I could not help myself devour some of my home-baked chocolate chip and nut chocolate cookies with some low-fat milk.
My friend talked about her life, about what was going on inside her head currently and what her heart truly wanted, I suppose it's all the same on every girls and women in the world, we all want to be loved or perhaps the idea of that we are loved, the idea that there are people out there who love us. Self-centered and downright egoist, I know. We want to be sure that we are loved, you know? That we are worthy of love, that we are good people. We just want to have that sense of security, a feeling of completeness because you know that you are a good lovable person, that even though you have quirks and all that roughness, you are still beautiful, you are still lovable and loved.
When my friend and I talked last night and I came across an epiphany, it clearly dawned upon me like an umpteen amount of Alaskan water over roaring wildfire. I came to realize that although I've always wanted to have a partner, a confidante, a lover, a boyfriend, it is for my own selfish reasons, I want to have that person because I want to know that I am loved, that I am worthy, not because I want to feel how it feels like to have a boyfriend. I just want him for my own selfish reasons and, perhaps, that reason isn't love.
I've had my share of rough roads and destructive decisions, but I did those alone, I face the consequences of my decision alone, I've faced those demons alone, so in conclusion, I can stand on my own two feet. Sure, sometimes I want to have my solid ground, but for now, I can stand on my own two feet. I want love, but I don't think it's my time to have someone who love me until I learn to fully love myself, to think that I am completely worthy. Because, I am.
Nobody answered, of course.
It was, as you know it, new year's eve last night. I went out with one of my best girl friends. We dressed up, wore make up (there was a pair of fake eyelashes involved) and of course almost practically drenched ourselves with perfume. We went to a la carte dinner at one of the hip cafés near my house, we had ordered a table for two there. Conveniently and ironically, each women that were to spend their new year's eve there got free silver plastic tiaras, while the men got cute paper-based colourful hats. Coincidentally, neither my best friend nor I had any date last night, making us very, somewhat literally, princesses that were waiting for our "prince charming"s. We talked, did our make up (reapplied lipstick for thousandth times, curled our lashes for hundredth times and relined our eyeliners for umpteenth times), danced a bit (to the music arranged by surprisingly good DJ) and enjoyed the few hours before the end of 2011. It was fun actually. I've spent three new year's eves with her already, I suppose there will be more to come. At roughly 1 a.m. we went back to my flat and talked some more. Even though I ate quite a lot last night, I could not help myself devour some of my home-baked chocolate chip and nut chocolate cookies with some low-fat milk.
My friend talked about her life, about what was going on inside her head currently and what her heart truly wanted, I suppose it's all the same on every girls and women in the world, we all want to be loved or perhaps the idea of that we are loved, the idea that there are people out there who love us. Self-centered and downright egoist, I know. We want to be sure that we are loved, you know? That we are worthy of love, that we are good people. We just want to have that sense of security, a feeling of completeness because you know that you are a good lovable person, that even though you have quirks and all that roughness, you are still beautiful, you are still lovable and loved.
When my friend and I talked last night and I came across an epiphany, it clearly dawned upon me like an umpteen amount of Alaskan water over roaring wildfire. I came to realize that although I've always wanted to have a partner, a confidante, a lover, a boyfriend, it is for my own selfish reasons, I want to have that person because I want to know that I am loved, that I am worthy, not because I want to feel how it feels like to have a boyfriend. I just want him for my own selfish reasons and, perhaps, that reason isn't love.
I've had my share of rough roads and destructive decisions, but I did those alone, I face the consequences of my decision alone, I've faced those demons alone, so in conclusion, I can stand on my own two feet. Sure, sometimes I want to have my solid ground, but for now, I can stand on my own two feet. I want love, but I don't think it's my time to have someone who love me until I learn to fully love myself, to think that I am completely worthy. Because, I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment